so ramdon. so wierd. so waht.

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Happy Thanksgiving 09


Happy Thanksgiving to everyone out there. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, which is soooo true but with the year I've had, the cons have outweighed the pros this time. So 2009 is going out with regret and wishful thinking to close out the year. Going in to December is going to be painful and full of trying times. The ppl that matter get overlooked and the ones i try to hold onto move on. But making the best of it is what life is about.
Each of us is stuck being who we are. Sometimes we fight to change ourselves, but
ultimately this has little effect. We can change what we do, but we cannot change who we are. If you're a happy person, you don't feel trapped. If you're surrounded by people who you love and who love you, if you can do what you want to do in life, if you are at peace with who you are, why would you ever feel trapped? You wouldn't want to change yourself, you wouldn't need to try.
I am not a happy person. Maybe you're not either. Maybe you're too fat, or too thin, too old, or too young. Maybe you're ugly and nobody wants to sleep with you. Maybe everyone wants to sleep with you, but nobody loves you and it's all meaningless. Maybe your body is fucked up and you're in pain all the time. Maybe your mind is fucked up and you're in pain all the time.
I don't know how common this is, but for me, the main problem is that I feel
disconnected from everyone and everything. I have a few people out there who I care about, or who care about me, but no real intimacy with anyone. Worse yet, this is a long term pattern with me, it's been going on for enough years yet that it's quite possible I will be alone for the rest of my life. I try to connect with people, but either I'm to shy or I have nothing to offer. I would like to have friends I could be truly close to, someone that I could be in love with, but I'm psychologically fucked up enough that I don't know how to make this happen.
I like to think that if I had love and intimacy in my life, life wouldn't suck nearly as much. And hell, I think I've reached the point where I'm jealous of everyone. Is there any way to have meaning in your life when you're disconnected from everyone?
I don't think so.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. I'd reach out to all by some sort of social network or text but I would be trying too hard, and the ones I want to hear from won't remember. Grass is greener... you dont know what you have... and anything else cliche that fits here. Eat alot, make sure you can make it to work on Monday cuz at least your needed there. Give thanks for what you have, cuz there is always someone out there with less. And win lots of money from football pools and bets to donate to those salvation army things.

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