so ramdon. so wierd. so waht.

Life catching up to me

For the past year, my life has been changed in a way I cannot yet accept. I have so many questions running through my mind. Please consider my delicate heart. I am as a glass child and to lose you would shatter me. How is it that so much time spent caring for a person can suddenly crumble my composure? I am better that most at everything, but when it comes to you, I am lost. How can words of tender concerns suddenly be turned to thoughts of blind hatred and revenge? Why is change such a feared presence? Where is it we go when I step outside of the comfort of familiarity and friendship ? How do I recreate joy when so much is trapped beneath the rubble of failure and secrecy? Where is the strength to pick up all of the delicate shards that reflect the beauty of how I wish i didn't feel? Is there a cloth thick enough to wipe away the blood of my competition? I've watched silently from the side because I know we should just be forbidden. There is too much to lose if there is us. How can I absorb the surrounding happiness of our friends when our new found friendship has been sapped of any reminder of what shouldn't be? Why, if I still breathe, does life end until the rocky moment of acceptance? How does love end? Was it even love? It takes some getting use to and getting away. The transition between love and friendship is a blurry path. Please remember you have been in my shoes once before. And remember that time is of essence for our friendship, and our friendship is of essence for my survival. I wish you would tell me to let go of you. But you can't if you never knew. I miss you more than you will ever know. I've thought about this forever. I guess since you can't tell me to go, I'll continue on with the pain of not ever having you. Just tell me what you felt - that is all I need but will never happen. I will always be here for you no matter what. It doesn't matter if you didn't and don't feel the same. I just need closure so I can sleep at night. If you miss me, find the brightest star I'll do the same for you. I love you, my friend. Naamean.....I love gooooooold....